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The lovely Joséphine de Beauharnais (1763-1814), the first wife of Napoléon Bonaparte.

A very controversial choice for Shorty-pants. Joséphine was a bit older, previously married and had 2 children.  While her first husband was guillotined during the reign of terror, Joséphine was spared in the debacle. But love is love, and Napoléon fell hard for the beautiful woman born in Martinique. He wrote her numerous love letters describing his feelings— and although dozens of these letters still exist, it is thought that the love was not mutual, as there are little to no responses from his wife.

Eventually, they both had affairs, and Joséphine’s inability to produce an heir got her the boot (albeit a very small, stubby boot… hahahahaha.) She died from pneumonia and was buried at Saint Pierre-Saint Paul in Rueil.

Despite their problems- bum-womb, debt, illicit affairs with a man who’s first name was Hippolyte, and the fact that Napoléon was half-the-man she needed (I kill me), Napoléon loved her until the end of his life.